THE LAST 5 Foibles: Know your type

The Last Five Foibles: Know your type!!!

So 5 years ago there was audition for The Last 5 Years. I was living in a small town in the South, where clearly there are no blonds. None.

This is the same town that cast me as Liat in South Pacific for my "ethnic look," but for some reason I thought with my talent, sass and natural Hayley-ness I would convince the director to look beyond my natural Anne Frankness- and frankly, give me the role of Kathy.

And - come on! , what singer can resist a little Jason Robert Brown. Its crack. Crack for the soul.
I prepared with my voice teacher and halfway through climbing uphill he stopped and looked at me and said, "Hayley, when do you ever look in the mirror and say, I'm a wasp." "Um, on Sunday's?" was my response, as I hid my bagels and lox and copy of Hillel weekly between my sheet music.

"The only way that you have a shot at this part is to wear a blond wig."

"Stephen Rudlin," I said, "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. No. No! and No! Have you seen my eyebrows?"

And then I did it. Of course I did. I had a boundary problem back then.

That day in my amazing apartment that would run for 5 grand in Soho but i was paying 750 because it was Virginia, I warmed up, I buzzed and wig capped myself and tried to lighten my eyebrows. With baby powder. Fantastic

At the audition were me, a bunch of Jew-"ish" looking boys, blonds, and all five feet me.
Now, at the time, I was a good 50 lbs more than I am now. I was on my 3rd Hairspray callback for Bway, so imagine Tracy Turnblad with baby powdered eyebrows and a blond wig. True blue gone bad

I made my way downstairs to audition and the people cracked up. Mind you, I had just done a production of Reckless with them, and they knew me well.

I sang my song, and they laughed (duh) and then director had me sing "Still Hurting." It was one of those moments in the room where it felt amazing- I was honest, truthful. I got misty eyed but not to the point of not crying, still being able to sing.

He said I gave one of the best auditions he had ever seen.

I was like, thank you Hashem, or should I say Jesus? ( I think I was wearing a cross too!!!) Why?

A week later, nothing. I put my ear to the ground and asked my friend to find out why. My friend Jason said the director told him I was "too adorable" for the role.

Fine, I can deal with that. Too adorable is not a bad thing. TheatreWorks I thought, here I come!

And then he said, "Yeah and she was a JEW WITH A WIG !"
Hahaha

So the moral of the story is, know your type. Hello!!! I'm little Red Riding Hood, and Little Sally and Wednesday Adams and not Laurie and Mother from Ragtime and a Desperate Housewife. I'm a desperate NYU student on her way to class in Law and Order SVU. Well, you get the point.

Jamie may be over and gone for me, but if I'm craving to sing a little Jason, you'll be seeing me starring in the next production of Parade as Factory Girl number 2.

Shalom
PS the girl who got the role was an eighteen year old brunette. whomp whomp.

xoxo
haylz

"VALENTINES DAY"- How to be in the Business but stop and smell the roses

Last evening I saw the Rom Com (romantic comedy) of the year, "Valentines Day". I went with my fun new friend Ben, also a creative sprite like me. The two of us together are like the hip modern day version of Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney without all the behind the scenes E-true Hollywood story overdose drama. It's obnoxious how much you would want to dress us up and watch us sing and dance to musical versions of children's books. We were like a Sesame Street wet dream. Not the point of the story whatsoever. Point is that while the tweens in back of me were drooling over Taylor Lautner, the cougars over McDreamy, couples were cozying up together, did I take a mental trip down memory lane over relationships past present and future, cry into my popcorn. HELL NO.

I spent the whole time dissecting the film and seeing its weak plot points, looking at the lighting and costuming, seeing where I fit in the movie, and how I could re-write it better. I think as actors we need to take a look at where we realistically fit in the industry, and as writers we need to witness good writing as well as bad to learn.

I came to the conclusion that yours truly could play one of those high school kids or the office assistant, and that the best performance was by far by Taylor Swift (joking). Whilst the movie actually did a good job giving equal focus to the different plot points, some of the dialogue was so ridiculous and sappy that even the most post break-up pajama wearing, Ben and Jerry's eating girl would roll her eyes with disdain.

While I think analyzing art (and this movie was not art, believe me) is a useful tool, I think that it is symbolic of the fact that as artists, we can't fully enjoy a live show, a movie or a book without passing judgement over the product and analyzing it in our brain. I think this sometimes hampers our enjoyment of the actual experience because we spend more time picking it apart than allowing one's self to enjoy what we are watching or reading. (Although I do have to say, the trifecta of Patrick Dempsey, Bradley Cooper and Eric Dane I most certainly enjoyed)

So my fellow sprites, I leave you with this. Next time you see a live show, read a book, or watch a movie, observe all you want, but don't forget to stop and smell the roses , or tell the Tori Burch wearing tweens behind you to zip it :)

Happy Sunday
xoxoxox
Haylster
Creative Sprite:)

HOW TO SURVIVE AND THRIVE AT THE SAME TIME: How to turn day jobs into joy.

Every fiber of my five feet firecracker-ness wants to create and play ALL THE TIME. This childlike spirit has not only fueled my adult carrer but can be wonderful and contagious. Channeled correctly can move, inspire and be a dynamite tour de force, a shooting comet if you will.

This is obvi(ously- sorry I abbreviate everything) not just me but every artist in their prime create mojo-zone. Like a singer hitting a bflat ( may favorite belting and high note), a writer waxing eloquent about their rites of passages, a songwriter, a comedian nailing a set, well you get the reference.

Then there are the other times. The times where you bomb an audition, cant seem to get your creative mojo up to write so to speak and are like Ugh I am taking a break. You turn into Elaine Stritch at 24 and smoke a cigarette and stare at the bright eyed bushy tailed freshly graduated kids and say, "Ugh welcome to the grind you little bitches."

You get captured by the angst at your day job, babysitting snotty kids, catering for the rich and famous, doing extra work on "Gossip Girl" and wishing you were cast as Vanessa, and being generally angsty about having to actually pay your bills. Well guess what. We all have to do it!!! so I am here to say,

GET OVER IT SWEETHEART!!! That's a little tough love for you. ( I say this for me and for you)

We all have to work day jobs except people that have a trust fund, parents or spouses that support them. That's like one percent of the acting population. So this blog is about

BEING ABLE TO SURVIVE AND THRIVE ALL AT ONCE, and

FOCUSING YOUR FIERCENESS SO YOU CAN ACHIEVE YOUR CREATIVE GOALS, One step at a time......

Here's an example of what I am talking about. This was my yesterday, a day that could have been fraught with angst and resentment, but I turned it into fierceness

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF HAYLEY RAPHAEL Feb 18th....

(For purposes of time and interest, I did do other things on this particular day like catch up on Lost and fight with bank tellers, but I'll leave that out.)

MORNING:

1) Stumble through the village in the morning half awake on the search for the best Hazelnut coffee giggling to myself after a madcap Manhattan evening, which manifested itself in at least six different made for TV sitcom moments and worthy of a season one sex and the city episode.

Wrote it down for my blog and sketches keeping all names and people anonymous

2) Arrive at my day job which includes selling spa packages to unassuming college students. The entire time I pretended I was doing an on camera commercial and practiced not flailing about physically and dressed camera ready. Lemme tell you, I made four sales in two hours. My Paparazzi Perfect ( trademarked by Nyle Lynn Caisley-webisode coming soon) charmed the young ones and they opened their hearts and wallets to me.

Phone bill an Sat nite dinner and a movie funded by moi!

3) I meet the real life HITCH ( who looks like a mix between LL Cool J and Taye Diggs), who is a dating coach, actor and blogger. We hit it off immediately like two peas and a pod, and the next thing you know we spent an entire lunch break in a tete a tete about dating, etc, and are joined by five college students. Just picture LL Cool J (him) and a young Julia Louis Dreyfus (moi)hosting a sex and dating seminar and lecturing from two separate points.

LL offered me a spot to V-log on his blog and I will be

promoting him on my new blog- SchmucksntheCity

(copyrighted 2010)

3) Meet with my editor for Zoe and Max the first short I wrote, look at Zoe and Max and analyze the footage, trying with all my might to pick the best acting moments, and marvel at the difference between film and theatre acting.

NOTE FOR ALL THEATRE ACTORS THAT ARE ALWAYS TALKING

ABOUT DOING FILM- HERE IS A VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:

DO NOTHING

Then do less than nothing. Then do triple less than

nothing acting wise. Take all your emotions and put

it in your eyes. Congratulations, you are still doing too much.

4) Jotted down ideas for A, the second short of shooting comet productions. Found a co-writer. Jotted down prospective actors for casting session. Jotted down several non negotiable juicy lines

5) Meeting of the minds with my acting coach. We discuss where I realistically fit in the film/tv industry what roles I would be right for this moment. talk about ways in which to cut through the red sea of stuff to walk through and make a smooth segway into that universe using my theatre background as an asset

Before Mr Producer decides to give me my

own sitcom/comedy central show I would, make a great

Evil witness stand girl on Law and Order

Dog walker on Gossip Girl

Great commercial gal for soft drinks or an iPhone

THIS IS REALISTIC, ALL THESE FILM IN NYC!!! Hello!!

Fell asleep feeling accomplished knowing that I

a) paid some bills
b) made headway on creative projects
c) made connections with other artists
d) made headway business wise
and had fun whilst I was doing it!!

So you see, this day could have been filled with frustration and angst all day but I channeled it correctly and took control of my career and life. Small steps, but at the end of the day I felt accomplished. I'm not freaking Polly positive all the time, and I don't wake up with the sun shining out of my tuchus every day, and neither does the universe. It's that I chose to take the day I had to survive and Overturned it into a day in which I thrived. And you can too you little creative munchkins..

So, what I want to know is, how do you turn a survival into a thrival?? Comment below.

Keep plugging away tigers!

Love and Support:)

Creative Sprite, aka Hayls

LINKS

Nyle Lynn Caisley: Acting coach http://www.paparazziprefect.blogs

Hashim Locario: Dating Coach http://www.mrlocario.com

Me: www.HayleyRaphael.com

"Releasing your Inner Sprite"

"Everybody's got the right to some sunshine.
Even though at times they go to extremes."
Steven Sondheim

I came to the realization that I am not blah-ging enough about my artistic journey. I am writing this entry in the hopes of inspiring other people to harness their creative Mojo because we all have it. I don't care if you think I am idealistic or cliche, and perhaps this entry lacks the necessary tinge of New York cynicism, but trust me- I can be one of those people who doesn't wait for others to exit the subway car before getting on the train in my less attractive moments.

I just wanted to take a moment and wax eloquent about releasing your "Inner Creative Sprite." I remember the moments in my life where I felt at home in the world . These were moments when I was creating something and collaborating with others. I started early on, playing dress up with my cousin on the sandy beaches of Cape Cod at the age of 7 which usually resulted in ruining my Aunt Judy's fresh face while we cracked her up. I was also one of "those" teenagers who dressed up in full costume and danced around her room to show tunes. Not to Oklahoma, but to Assassins ( I was a little angsty) All this joy has carried on into my adulthood as I collaborate with others in the millions of projects I am a part of. It has made me realize that my mission statement in life is to harness and direct creativity whilst collaborating with others to influence and impact the world.

I sometimes encounter times in my life when my creative mojo is so on it oozes out of me like a broken Honey jar. And ever since my acting coach ( Nyle Lynn Caisley) told me I was funny, I literally have not been able to stop writing--everything from stand up to songs, screen plays, and skits. I wake up at 3am with ideas for crazy sketches about Muppet's, blogs about the pressure of being a young Jewish girl in 2010, and of course random sorted stories about the dating foibles of the various schmucks in the city.

All this creative energy, coupled with sometimes having to take on a day job to support my creative habit, can be somewhat daunting at times, which is why I used the aforementioned term "broken Honey jar." I have so many stories inside me to share: entertaining, heart breaking and hilarious. I could put my head on the pillow and dream of being subsidized by the European government or a sugar daddy, but for right now at least, I am hustling like a maniac to pay the bills and putting into practice my ideas in as many ways I can.

This includes

1) Starting my own production company: Shooting Comet Productions, LLC
(Our first film short I wrote, "Max and Zoey" wrapped this weekend....)

2) Collaborating with other songwriters and comedy writers
(and taking a class with Kevin Allison of "The State")

3) Working with a fabulous coach for my evolving screen play
(Marilyn Horowitz)

4) Joining "Vigilante" a new musical improv troupe. ( nominated for a 2010 INNY award)

Because I come from a family whose worth is unfortunately sometimes defined by professional success ( a Tri state area Jew thing I guess), I feel pressure to immediately make money off of my new artistic endeavors. This urge is supported by the fact that being a musical theater actress has been my source of income for the last three years. Writing, stand up comedy, improv and sketch is a departure from the usual way I survive which is playing a ten year old on stage. Even without monetary compensation I resist waiting for Mr. Producer to subsidize me and trust that if I am eventually going to be paid for this, the course will manifest itself. For now, I am just trusting the process.

Why am I writing all this? I feel like so often creative people feel they have something to prove to people since we generally rely on someone else to employ us based on our "talent." What people don't realize is that there are many other factors around being cast in something, like type, look, other cast members and a whole list of other x factors that we as artists have no control over.

Getting back to the "art" of it all, I see a lot of creative people struggling all the time because there doesn't seem to be a societal priority to nurture artists. This comes from external and internal sources as well. So, I encourage you all to get out there and harness your inner creativeness. In order to do this I have put together a little list of nuggets that has really helped me in my creative endeavors.

1) Surround yourself with people that are encouraging and supportive, and who "get you artistically" and who you feel comfortable with.

2) Even if you have to work a "day job" this is not an excuse for not being creative. There are tons of FREE things out there--open mikes, a sketch book, putting pen to paper. There are tons of fun shiny talented people out there!

3) Watch "The Muppet's Take Manhattan" and "Everyone Says I Love You." Just do it!

4) Start to develop an artistic community around you. Have people you help and people that help you:)

6) Take some time every day to be creative. Whether I like it or not, I write every day, or sketch, or design!

7) When in doubt, watch people on the subway for inspiration...

Lastly, here are some people that have proved to be inspirations in my life as of late, and I hope that they inspire you as well.

Thanks for reading

Peace in the middle-east.

Love Hayls


www.nylecaisley.com Acting Coach/ Actress
www.marilynhorowitz.com Writing Coach/Script consultant www.rachelgriffin.com/fr_index.cfm Singer songwriter

LITERACY FOR AMERICA ('S Next Top Model)

NOTE: This was written in 09, but lost its way in the archives of my computer. So strap on your seat belts in the Delorean. We are going all the way Back to the Future, back to November 2009.

Picture this:
Wednesday evening : 7:58 pm
You cozy in with your friends, significant other (pets included), or the neighbor that just won't go away for the luscious lineup of Wednesday evening television.
It's been a long week already filled with weather too cold for comfort, a bill you weren't expecting, and maybe a mouse in your apartment. GROSS

You look forward to the solace of the Wednesday lineup: Finding out who made the top twenty in SYTYCD, The eye candy that is Matthew Morrison's Broadway dancing ass in GLEE, and yes:

AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL: 5'7 and UNDER.

This particular season appeals to this petite gal because it caters to women 5'7 and under. I am five feet of firecracker aka "kitten with a whip." Had there not been a riot to audition which LITERALLY resulted in death I would have made the top twenty..

Now, I know I don't have the body of a twelve year old boy (anymore- damn you appetite) but I was hoping that Miss Tyra banks might give me a shot and put me on the show as a “wild card.”

She might even consider renaming it

“Americas Next Top normal sized slightly apathetic Jewish New Yorker”

After seeing last nights episode, I realized I would never stomp it out on the runway with Amanda or Sundai because of one fundamental problem.

I CAN READ.

The girls were given the seemingly simple task of writing and performing a 25 second commercial for Cover Girl. The way they reacted to this task was akin to how I reacted to finding out that my ex boyfriend of 5 years had been cheating on me with my second cousin Rifkah with the uni brow.

Extreme meltdown.

Amanda had a nervous breakdown during the commercial filming as if she was experiencing her own personal inner 9-11.

Another girl had a 7-11 moment (brain freeze) and forgot the two sentences she wrote.

“New exact eye lights collection. From easy breezy beautiful cover girl. “

It is as hard as the Bard's work, so I sympathized.

Not really. I loved watching them crash and burn as I sipped my orange seltzer smugly.

It was a classic schadenfreude moment. I patted myself on the back and silently thanked my parents for sending me to PS 188 elementary school.

There was nothing breezy about it. There was nothing easy about it. There was nothing Cover Girl.

Maybe its because they were starving.

So my darling sweet Tyra banks.

On the next ANTM season..

Please reconsider your casting requirements.

I may not look like an androgynous 12 year old with vacant eyes, but I can surely stomp it out. And I'll even recite some Keats whilst doing it.

Till next time, go have an adventure friends, buy a pair of rainbow legwarmers:)

xoxo

Creative Sprite

PROJECT SATIGR

In an attempt for TV/FILM representation, I have embarked on a recent relentless unapologetic quest for an agent. I aptly name this quest "Project SATIGR" ( Stalk agent till I get representation). ( And by stalking I mean following up with postcards, not facebook friending them or crashing their son's bar mitzvah- cmon, I'm a professional.) This is from a recent meeting I had with an agent. Hey man, you gotta start somewhere.

Self Inflicted Zen Moment

I myself am a believer that there are no coincidences. Things in life can often be divinely manipulated by some sort of cosmic force or ever-loving creator if you are open to it. However, I am also aware that I’m sometimes a little cray-cray, (crazy) and get a little off the beam and inflict these moments on myself. I call this experiencing a “Self-Inflicted Zen Moment”, or “SIZM” for short.

(FYI, I abbreviate everything. Or “ab. ev.” for short. It’s a disorder for which no cure has been found. I’m working on it in a support group, but we don’t have a proper name yet because we keep abbreviating all of the suggestions.)

Anyway, here is an example of a low-level SIZM…

Sally (talking to Jim in the high school cafeteria):
”You liked Garden State too? I loooved Garden State!! Track number 6 got me through a really rough time. Oh my god, we’re soul mates! “

Listen Sally. Let's have a little heart to heart.
You and Jim are not soul mates. A lot of people liked the movie “Garden State”, The Smiths rock, and Track 6 got half the emo population through a rough time.

Now that you understand, let’s cut to a grand example from the life of Raphael, Hayley Sarah.

A while ago I auditioned for the role of Chava (the youngest daughter) in Fiddler on the Roof. For those of you that aren't a musical theatre head like me I will enlighten you. Fiddler on the Roof is not a happy musical. Its no Disney movie of the week, that's for certain. Russian Jews. Adversity, sadness, moving on. You need this information before I proceed.

Now here is how my audition process for Fiddler on the Roof went down:
Audition 1: wait in audition line for 8 hours, didn't get to audition.
Audition 2: wait in line for 4 hours, didn't get to audition.
Audition 3: typed in and sang 16 bars.
Audition 4: sang “Matchmaker.”

Callback time came! Tragically I couldn't make it because I was too busy entertaining the Amish in Lancaster, PA. I was playing a singing, cartwheeling Santa Claus. I felt as if Nia Michaels handed me my ticket to Vegas for SYTYCD and I was like, “Oh, I'm sorry I'm too busy performing my tap solo at the YMCA in Hoboken for my grandparents.” I was heartbroken, but my roommates insisted that Fiddler would come back.

AND THEN.......

Self-Inflicted Zen Moment #1: AUDITION 5
I was still working as a dancing Santa in PA. I noticed in Backstage (which btw I was obsessively checking) that they were having an audition for replacements for Fiddler… on a Monday.... which was the only day of the week that I had off! SIZM!!!. After I stopped zen-fully hyperventilating, I spoke to the casting directors, and even though I couldn't make the Tuesday callback they say they were willing to see me and video my audition for the creative team.

(By the way, my boyfriend at the time looked exactly like Fyedka and was very supportive of this whole journey. Thanks, JD!)

After a train ride spent watching Topol disown his daughter, I arrived at Ripley studios as a bundle of sprite-like nerves and excitement. After seeing about 12 girls that looked exactly like me with 55 Broadway credits on their resume, I sang “Matchmaker” like a doe-eyed Jewish Disney princess. (Think Jasmine and Belle mushed together wearing an unattractive head frock.) It wasn't going get me nominated for a Tony award, but it passed.

I got a "Sounds good, but the creative team decided to not view videos. Thanks for your time, and well see you when you get back in NY.” (After you’re done singing “Oh Holy Night” in an 80's red and green prom dress, thank you very much.)

Again, disheartened. But the SIZM was still in effect, and I was confident that I would get another chance. I just had to be patient. (After all, the Amish deserve some entertaining too. I mean, no T.V.! I was making a contribution.)

Cut to January 2009.
I’m back in NY, doing the grind, living my life and bring all actor-ish and taking some “shutting the shades time”. ( For example: having a quarter life crisis trying to decide what to do with my entire life.) But when I emerge from my month long cocoon, I am ready. I spend my time in the following ways:

BEING PRODUCTIVE
I audition!
I get new headshots!
I go to the gym!
I take voice lessons!

TRYING NEW THINGS
Wearing my hair curly!
Salsa dancing!
Stand up comedy!
Meeting new people!
Trying to be pleasant and delightful to those around me! (Which in NYC is immensely challenging. But we smile…)

TRYING OTHER THINGS
Practicing my religion – i.e.Meaning I listed “Jewish” as my religion on Facebook.
Youtube-ing.
Hatching a harebrained scheme to be the next Bachelorette.
Cyber-stalking.
Thinking too much – Which is an exhausting activity.

And then, out of nowhere, my agent called to tell me that they were doing an immediate replacement call for Fiddler!

The Self-Inflicted Zen re-awakened. I called an emergency rehearsal with my longtime friend and acting coach, Nyle Lynn Caisley. She came over and we worked for three hours on the song and sides.

We did the scenes!
We went Uta Hagen, Meisner, Stanislavsky and Mamet all over that shit and then tried to forget it all and “just be”. (Actors.)

We did the song!
I sang “Matchmaker” and had a visual picture in every line for me, and then for Chava and then for both. And then forgot it all and just saw the other people I was taking to.

We had a motivational life talk!
Nyle became Dr. Phil, Buddah, and Tony Little with a dash of Ghandi!

I was ready. I swear I could feel the opening chords of “Tradition” swell from the orchestra pit as I prepared to channel Chava from backstage.

The night before the callback, in the clearest manifestation of my Fiddler on the Roof SIZM, I enumerated all the reasons I was right for the role.

There were practical reasons:
- I look like her.
- I’m the same size as the replacement so I would make the costumer’s life easy.
- I know the show well.
- I can sing the role.
- I was a swing and a quick study and would pick up.
- My agent is pushing for me.
- The casting directors already know my work.

Impractical reasons:
- I am a Russian Jew for heavens sakes!
My family is from a small town in Russia. If I can’t play my ancestors then who can I play?
- This would be the perfect marriage between my Jewishness and theatre-ness.
- As a member of the tribe (Jew) shouldn't I get special preference for the role from the casting directors? Or maybe even from God? I mean, certainly Hashem (Hebrew for God) – who clearly cares about musical theatre -- would want a nice Jewish girl from Queens as opposed to some Italian non-heeb that only looks Jewish to play the role.

(Okay, I know that I took Dora the Explorer away from some nice Latina girl with a dream. But when the next tour came around I didn't get the role because I don't speak Spanish. I speak bagel. Karma sucks.)

I even came up with some ways that I could sneakily drive my Jewishness home, like…

- Leaving my membership card to the JCC in the waiting room "by accident".
- Running into the casting director whilst having an emotional altercation with my father about my non-Jewish boyfriend.
- Letting a passover Sader drop out of my audition book.
- “Letting it slip" that my family is from an Anatevka-like village.

The next morning, I prepared.
I warmed up
I dressed in my modest audition clothing from the Gap.
I worked my hair curly with little makeup on my face.
I even took a cab, and arrived in a peaceful, zen state ready to provide the solution to their problem.

And then disaster hit.

Either my nerves got the best of me or I accidentally smoked a crack pipe – but either way, I temporarily forgot EVERYTHING I’d ever learned. It became opposite day in the life of Hayley Raphael.

They asked for 16 bars. I decided to not sing the song I prepared but another 16 bars. When I walked in the audition room and sang my song there was a huge disconnect between the accompanist and me, and I let it sway me.

When Chava is supposed to be scared by meeting Fyedka, instead of being off put-ish and shy, I got Nuyorican on their asses. My delivery of he line, "Is there something you want?" could have sliced a gangster.

Then, when the director reminded me I was in Anatevka and not a dark alley at 3am I changed my tune and came back to reality.

But then I noticed that the audition monitor was cute, and I took another left turn oh highway ridiculous. It was like I was watching a car accident.

Let's just put it this way: If the audition had been for the role of Gabrielle in High School Musical I would have landed the role. Instead of acting scared, intrigued and vulnerable, I was giggly and bubbly. I read the lines as if Zac Effron were cupping my face while John Mayer sang a song he wrote just for me. I played it like Brandon from “So You Think You Can Dance” was doing a tango with my soul.

After I was done with the scene, the artistic team sort of looked like they had been hit with a truck full of rainbow sprinkles. They said, “Thank you Hayley, that was adorable.”

Adorable?

I’ll remind you: Anatevka, adversity, Russian Jews. There is nothing Sesame Street about it this production.

I left the audition and walked from 26th and 7th all the way to 75th and Madison in a perplexed state. It didn't register what I had done until I about 50th and Park when I called Nyle. I told her about the audition. Her reaction was silence, followed by

“Um, why the @#*$!? did you not do what we worked on???”

For the first time in months I had no reaction. The Self-Imposed Zen, my seeming predestination for the role of Chava, went silent.

So let’s get real for a hot minute and talk about what happened.

What I did was fall into two traps that people do in life:
High expectations, and Self-sabotage.

I know I'm not the first or last person to do this. Every actor has that moment where they think some part is so right for them they get all worked up about it, and then they lose their brain and blow it. This not only happens in actor-y life but in relationships, jobs, whatevs.

Ever build something up and think about it so much that the real version of the thing almost ceases to exist? Ever make something or someone out to be your idea of them as opposed to what they actually are? I call it living in YOUR moment not THE moment. I find this especially happens with people who are very smart. Almost too smart.

The roles that I have gotten and the jobs that I have booked were when I felt relaxed and just focused on being connected with my material and telling a story. That’s it. Plain and simple. Not when I thought about all the outside factors having to do with it, like the other girls, the accompanist, or the cute audition monitor. (By the same token anything fabulous that has ever happened to me is pretty much when I did practically nothing to manipulate it.)

The only expectation I ever have now when I audition is that I get in there, perform and leave. Anything else is just icing on the cake. I know I fought long and hard to be in the city and try to do what I love and just the fact that I get to do it makes me a lucky duck.

Since the Fiddler debocle, I have tried to rein in the SIZMs and just let go more and accept what life deals me. I am much more happy and peaceful:)

Without even pursuing it, I got asked to be in two reading of a new musical, be part of 2 comedy writing teams, and be on the pilot of a new sitcom.

Maybe my immediate fate wasn’t to be little Chava-lah. But who am I to predict my own artistic journey in the world? Why leave other doors closed? Will I ever marry Kermit the frog?

To quote my dear friend and new writing partner "I don't believe in anything. I'm just along for the ride."

AS A FOOTNOTE TO THE LOVELY PEOPLE AT THE CASTING AGENCY

If you ever read this (you know who you are - and you guys are fabulous): I am fully aware that I read that script like Ursula from “Bye Bye Birdie” or a teenager at a Jonas Brothers concert. Please forgive me for this ridiculous transgression, as I was having a SIZM. Also the reader was very cute. Next time it boomerangs around, if it does, I will be ready. As a method actor, I have taken to devouring books, embracing quiet time, daydreaming, and only dating non-Jewish men. Thank you very much, and have a pleasant evening.

Shalom.
xoxox
Creative Sprite!