LITERACY FOR AMERICA ('S Next Top Model)

NOTE: This was written in 09, but lost its way in the archives of my computer. So strap on your seat belts in the Delorean. We are going all the way Back to the Future, back to November 2009.

Picture this:
Wednesday evening : 7:58 pm
You cozy in with your friends, significant other (pets included), or the neighbor that just won't go away for the luscious lineup of Wednesday evening television.
It's been a long week already filled with weather too cold for comfort, a bill you weren't expecting, and maybe a mouse in your apartment. GROSS

You look forward to the solace of the Wednesday lineup: Finding out who made the top twenty in SYTYCD, The eye candy that is Matthew Morrison's Broadway dancing ass in GLEE, and yes:

AMERICAS NEXT TOP MODEL: 5'7 and UNDER.

This particular season appeals to this petite gal because it caters to women 5'7 and under. I am five feet of firecracker aka "kitten with a whip." Had there not been a riot to audition which LITERALLY resulted in death I would have made the top twenty..

Now, I know I don't have the body of a twelve year old boy (anymore- damn you appetite) but I was hoping that Miss Tyra banks might give me a shot and put me on the show as a “wild card.”

She might even consider renaming it

“Americas Next Top normal sized slightly apathetic Jewish New Yorker”

After seeing last nights episode, I realized I would never stomp it out on the runway with Amanda or Sundai because of one fundamental problem.

I CAN READ.

The girls were given the seemingly simple task of writing and performing a 25 second commercial for Cover Girl. The way they reacted to this task was akin to how I reacted to finding out that my ex boyfriend of 5 years had been cheating on me with my second cousin Rifkah with the uni brow.

Extreme meltdown.

Amanda had a nervous breakdown during the commercial filming as if she was experiencing her own personal inner 9-11.

Another girl had a 7-11 moment (brain freeze) and forgot the two sentences she wrote.

“New exact eye lights collection. From easy breezy beautiful cover girl. “

It is as hard as the Bard's work, so I sympathized.

Not really. I loved watching them crash and burn as I sipped my orange seltzer smugly.

It was a classic schadenfreude moment. I patted myself on the back and silently thanked my parents for sending me to PS 188 elementary school.

There was nothing breezy about it. There was nothing easy about it. There was nothing Cover Girl.

Maybe its because they were starving.

So my darling sweet Tyra banks.

On the next ANTM season..

Please reconsider your casting requirements.

I may not look like an androgynous 12 year old with vacant eyes, but I can surely stomp it out. And I'll even recite some Keats whilst doing it.

Till next time, go have an adventure friends, buy a pair of rainbow legwarmers:)

xoxo

Creative Sprite